Skip the Counseling, Go for Divorce

 Posted on July 28,2013 in Divorce

Some couples mistakenly think that going to marriage counseling can save a marriage headed for divorce. It sometimes takes years of expensive sessions with a degree-laden but oft-inexperienced counselor before the couple finally realizes that there's nothing left to save. In fact, according to the Huffington Post, marriage counseling can actually be detrimental to a marriage rather than save it. In many cases, it's easier emotionally and especially financially to just forge ahead and go for a divorce instead. Getting a fresh start outside of an unhealthy relationship can be healthier and lead to greater happiness than trying to force something that was never meant to be in the first place. According to the Huffington Post, there are several reasons why marriage counseling is a sham.

The first is that to initiate marriage counseling (especially if the initiator is a woman) is to basically call your spouse a loser. "Since a key ingredient for intimacy is emotional safety," reports the Huffington Post, "this approach puts the connection she craves further out of reach." This is because men often perceive the suggestion of marriage counseling as a criticism, which, of course, further drives the couple apart. The second reason the Huffington Post gives for avoiding marriage counseling is that many marriage counselors don't have ideal relationships themselves. "If your marriage counselor doesn't have the kind of relationship you want," reports the Huffington Post, "she simply can't tell you how to get it."

Even if you've found a great counselor with the experience you're looking for, and you've overcome the initial shock of requesting counseling, marriage counseling sessions are often spent complaining about the other person. What marriage is saved by complaints? "Lots of us to go marriage counseling secretly believing we're just there to be supportive while the counselor fixes the other person's shortcomings," reports the Huffington Post.

Rather than spending the money trying to fix a dead relationship, in many cases, despite its emotional intensity and potential for familial disruption, divorce may be the best option. If you or someone you know is considering divorce, don't go through it alone. Contact a dedicated Illinois family law attorney today.